PETA Bar & Grill Owner Considers Name Change
Birmingham, AL —
Timmy Conley, owner of the downtown Birmingham restaurant known as the PETA Bar and Grill, has recently considered changing the name of his dining establishment after receiving an overwhelming amount of both local, and national criticism.
“Mr. Conley’s poor taste in selecting such an inappropriate name for his business is an outrage,” states PETA activist Susan Evans. “The good people of Birmingham will simply not stand for this.”
So, why the name?
According to Conley, it has little to do with the non-profit organization, PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals), but rather with a little dollar saving ingenuity of his own.
“I came up with a great name for the place,” states Conley, “Only problem was, I couldn’t afford the twenty grand to fit it all on the sign. After all, ‘Pig Eating Taste Adventure’ takes up a lot of space.”
Celebrity vegetarian Alec Baldwin offered his thoughts on the matter at a recent PETA fundraiser.
“I believe Mr. Conley needs to find something better to do with his life than murder defenseless animals. I doubt he would enjoy being eaten very much. I mean, if a pig were to say, hey, give me one of those human guys over there for lunch. Yeah, the big one with the goofy smile, that's the one I want. I don't think Mr. Conley would care for that."
Celebrity and outspoken PETA honorary member Brigitte Bardot shared her thoughts on the matter as well.
“These poor swine are offered no chance in life, nor are they afforded any opportunity other than being slowly roasted until their meat falls from the bone, then served on a plate with slaw, hushpuppies, and a cold beer.
“Mr. Conley just does not get it,” insists Bardot.
“He has no comprehension of our anger toward animals eating animals. It is wrong, that’s all I have to say. That, and he should be forced to close down his restaurant and spend nine hundred and ninety-nine years in prison for each animal he has murdered.”
Conley, when informed of PETA’s hatred toward him and his business, laughed briefly before speaking.
“Seems kind of harsh, I feel sort of bad now. Just think, this little piggy I’m eating right now might have went on to college one day, he could have made a difference. Instead, he’s chopped up into tiny bits and served up in a PETA Pocket, which by the way, is the special on Fridays.”
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